"If you don't have a car and you're walking..."

July 20, 2010

Units of alcohol over the weekend:
Friday: 5. No, 6 Bud Lights.  2 shots of whipped cream vodk (Party in my 1 bedroom apartment!).
Saturday: 6 Bacardi and Diet Cokes (Wedding at Anthony's in New Haven. Yay for open bars!).

Calories: So this weekend was worse than last.  I think I may or may not have visited 3 drive thru's. In 1 day.

Weight: Gained 5 lbs. Ahh!  But don't worry, I was down 2 lbs., so REALLY it's like I only gained 3 lbs!

Food consumed today: 

• 10 gallons of water
• 2 cups of coffee
• a strawberry

Given my successes in the dating world, I've decided to list the top 10 (well, 12) dating dos and dating don'ts for those of you wishing to find the love of your life (or your 2nd husband). These are sure to snatch you a handsome, rich man who'll give you a Tiffany's ring, and who'll never leave you (unless he's really old and dies, and lists you as the sole executor of his estate).

1. When on the first date he says, "What would you say if I told you I had a closet full of dead bodies, and they're all little pale brunettes that look like you," definitely make arrangements for a second date.  
2. Never eat on a date.  Order a salad (hold the dressing), and push food around your plate for 2 hours. You are definitely not hungry anyway, because you had two extra value meals (super-sized) before he picked you up.
3. When he says his favorite musical artists are Madonna, Lady Gaga and Jewel, and he is wearing sequins, definitely marry him.
4. When you have him over to your apartment for the first time, make sure the garbage in your bathroom  does not include tampons.  
5. If he seems overly interested in your diamonds on the first date, you probably shouldn't bring him back to your apartment.
6. When you do bring him back to your apartment, hide all your jewelry. And your dog.
7. Fight all urges to be the first one to text, call, facebook, twitter or show up at his front door the next day.
8. When you finally cave in, and text him,  just delete his number. It's over.
9. But don't worry!  When you decide you want to text him again (since he hasn't responded to your first text yet), just click over to att.com. Your recent calls are archived!
10. When he tells you the names of his parents, don't google their address or drive by their house.
11. When you do drive by their house, to see if they are loaded or not (they're not), don't go 15 mph, go at least 30 mph. Especially if you drive an easily spotted, electric blue Scion hatchback, with a missing rear bumper.
12. Last but not least, do everything possible to keep him from seeing the blog entry about him.

Update: I met a guy!

I will keep you posted.