"I don't wanna talk anymore"

Tuesday, August 24th, 2010

Units of alcohol over the weekend:
Friday: 2 Rum and Diet's in my apartment with "Buffy." She's my co-worker, who is basically like me, but smarter, less stylish, and healthier (she goes to the gym 2 hours a day, and eats mass amounts of vegetables).
Saturday: 3 Rum and Diet's, 1 BL, and 2 Hooker IPA's at Polo in Hartford (gay club) with Ale and Mark.
Sunday: None. Kill me.

Calories:
Not bad. Chinese on Friday. Indian food on Saturday. Taco bell on Saturday (1 am). Friendly's on Sunday.

Mmm. Apparently when I said "not bad," I meant disastrous. Actually, I meant delicious.

Weight:
+3 lbs. WTF?

Food consumed today:
2 cups of coffee
a granola bar
a yogurt
soup
popcorn (butter, obvi)
pasta
a popsicle

Purchases I've made since my divorce that I regret; or, Why I only have .43 cents in my savings account:
August 19th-24th:
$10 pass to a Single's Yoga class (more on this later).

Since I've committed to sharing all things "Amanda" with you, I thought I'd let you in on the latest DB developments.

So, the other day I receive an email from DB, saying that he'd like to see Daisy (MY dog) "one last time."

My response was as follows (well, along with what I actually meant to say):


DB,

I decided that we should not switch Daisy next week (or ever).

Things ended a long time ago, and we both need to move on, and this is prolonging the inevitable. Discussions with my therapist and family (and all sane people I've encountered on planet Earth) have brought me to believe that it's not a good idea for me, Daisy, or you. Every time we switch Daisy, we are pulled back into the drama, and we all take a step backwards (also, her professional agility career suffers, as you make her extremely anxious, and she wants to vomit uncontrollably every time she sees you).

I am in no way doing this to hurt you, I am doing this because we need to start our own lives, completely separate from one another (also, my 6'2", 250lb, bodybuilder boyfriend does not approve. He'd be happy to meet with you in person to discuss).

Please contact Alejandro, Mark, or Kelly to arrange a time to drop off the rest of my things (which I asked for over 6 months ago, but I'm sure your DB lifestyle is keeping you really busy). Kelly is willing to meet you before class if you email her (though you probably shouldn't leave your car unattended, because she probably wants to slash the tires on your DB Prius. Assuming that it hasn't been repossessed yet). Do not respond to this email or call me (actually, go for it, I'm about to change my phone number, and block all email addresses that are relevant to you in any way, shape, or form). If you need to contact me for any reason, you may contact Ale, Mark, or Kelly (though, they probably have no interest in talking to you, so good luck!). It is not fair to either of us. I will do the same (also, thanks for the engagement ring: the diamond makes a beautiful pendent necklace, and the platinum band fetched quite a price on Ebay!).

Sincerely (Ciao!),
Amanda


So, I go to sleep feeling empowered. I know that I have made the right decision, and that even DB will agree. Any person in their right mind will realize that this charade has gone on far too long.

And really, the drama is inferring with my busy social schedule. For example, the last time we did a switch, I was LATE for Ruby Tuesday "Thursday's" with Ale. And another time, I was FORCED to forgo a manicure, because I only had time for a pedi.

Unacceptable.

The next morning, I wake up with the conviction that DB will have taken the high road, and that he will not have written me back. I just know he realizes the importance of being mature and moving on.

Until my Blackberry goes off.


Inbox (1)

From: DB@aol.com
To: amandathemostawesomegirlalive@gmail.com

fuck you

Sent from my (DB) iPhone


That was insightful, I think to myself. I couldn't even get a capital letter? Maybe a PERIOD?

Perhaps, he just couldn't find the words. I mean, he did score a 400 on the SAT Verbal. Whatever, I let it go, and drive to the mall.

As I'm standing in the H&M dressing room, admiring a pair of sequin leggings, I realize that I've had it all wrong.

Really, you can't rely on a DB to make you happy. No, you have to count on the sure things in life: like glittery, shimmering, understated sequin leggings!