"I don't wanna be friends"

July 5, 2010


LOST 1 POUND.


I AM SO SKINNY.


So....


As you've likely realized, I have no filter. What. so. ever. Neither does my blog.

So, it's 11pm on a Tuesday, and I'm in bed watching Drop Dead Diva (on Hulu).  All of a sudden, Lady Gaga starts playing. "Ohh ohhh ohhhh caught in a bad romance." I look to my night stand, and realize it's my cell phone.  Mildly irritated (it was just getting to the climax of the show!) I glance at the number, figuring it's any number of people, including my mom, Kelly or Effie.


I see a CT number with no name.  I realize I recognize the number.


I cautiously pick up. "Hello?"


"Hey." It's DB.


I throw up a little in my mouth. Actually a lot.


I immediately ask, "What's wrong?!?"  Fearing (hoping) he crashed his Prius (DB car).


"Nothing, just wanted to see how you and Daisy are doing."


UM.  WHAT?!?


"Uh.  Okay..."


"What are you up to?"  he asks casually. Too casually.


"Um, watching Friday Night Lights."


"Oh, last weeks' episode was great.  One of the best this season."


"Right."


Okay.  Is it just me, or am I in some weird dimension where my DB ex-husband calls me and discusses NETWORK TELEVISION?


Turns out he's called to also give me love advice. At this point, there's nothing I'd be shocked by. I mean, why wouldn't he?


"Maybe if you stopped talking to jerks like Colin you would be better off."

I gasp.


DB just used Colin's blog name. That's an interesting development.


"Well," he stutters, "I kind of read your blog."


"Oh."

"I don't know how to get to it or anything, it was on my friends computer and I just saw it."


"Right."


"Don't worry I'm not offended by anything, if that's what you are thinking."


Yes, DB.  That's exactly what I'm thinking.


I tell him I have to go do the dishes (and by "do the dishes," I mean shop at JCrew.com). As I hang up, I shake my head in disbelief.


Speaking of, would you consider a $1400 sequin dress frivolous?






Oh, and PS- If you are reading this right now...in your childhood bedroom....on the computer than I paid for..."I'm so embarrassed for you."